Sad Facebook Invites

I like being invited to things. Not just stereotypically fun things like parties and Tahoe trips and board game nights. I’m happy to be invited over to your apartment on move-out day to help scrub the grime around your stove burners. I like being invited to take care of your cat while you’re gone for the week. I’ll gladly come over and help you weed your garden. But Facebook is abusing the word “invited” by using it (getting my hopes up) for things that aren’t invitations at all.

I’m invited to “like a page”? I’m invited to “donate to someone’s birthday cause”? These are not invitations. I don’t get to go anywhere if I accept. If I don’t get to go anywhere, don’t call it an “invitation.” Call it what it is: solicitation. After all, didn’t Confucious say:

“The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper name.”

Instead of saying “Charlotte invited you to like her content-free page” say “Charlotte solicited you to like her content-free page.”

Instead of saying “David invited you to donate to his birthday fundraiser” say “David solicited you to donate to his birthday fundraiser.”

That way, I don’t read 2 words into the notification, think “OMG, I’m getting INVITED TO SOMETHING! Notify the PRESSES. I’m going OUT TONIGHT, WOOHOO!” continue reading to find out what I’ve been invited to, only to have my hopes dashed against some stupid vanity project or moral posturing spam.

And then, give me the option to block all solicitations.

I hereby pledge that if I ever work for Facebook, I will make this happen.

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