I would make a more interesting rich person than anyone I know. But I’m very unlikely to ever become one. So, if you’re dreadfully rich and looking for ideas to pass the time, you can take one of mine.

On the off-chance I do become fabulously wealthy, the guide on the tour of my estate (many years after my death) will have this to say about my carousel:

Yes, Dolly was very eccentric. Every animal you see here was hunted by Dolly herself. She went all over the world to hunt exotic animals, then had them taxidermied specifically for this carousel. You’ll see a few big cats and a zebra from Africa, elk, moose and deer from North America, wild horses from Spain and even a Chinese giant panda.

The animals will also be dressed up with custom saddles addled with ribbons and ostentatious jewels. Some will wear top hats, monocles, bow ties or false eyelashes. They may even have name tags. It would be swell. Imagine what fun my drunken guests would have!

Now, before you chastise me, I don’t believe in cruelty towards animals. I just don’t think a quick death by gunshot is any more cruel than a natural death by… however these creatures usually die.

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